September 27, 2004

I'm Givin' Her all She's Got, Captain!

MONDAY:
Merchant of Venice Quiz
TUESDAY:
Molecular Biology Quiz
THURSDAY:
24-page pape due
Persuasion Theory Test
Film History and Theory Quiz
Molecular Biology Test
One Acts begin

Meanwhile I have One Act Rehearsals, Musical Rehearsals, three labs and Opera Workshop.

If you see me doing anything besides homework this week (that includes blogging) feel free to scold me. Don't expect to hear from me until Friday (if I'm not dead by then)

September 23, 2004

Homeschool Hair

"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones."
- Mike Barfield


I'm in class right now. I can't sit in my usual seat between Erin and Neil because Oak Moser decided to actually show up for class and asked my entire row to scoot over before I got there. So I'm pretty much alone on the other side of the room. Film History and Theory has the potential for a lot of fun, but there are times when my time is better-spent blogging.

I've been labeled as somewhat judgemental. I didn't really know how I came to be painted so until I finished my article (which comes out tomorrow!) and had to be censored. In reflection, I think I'm abou taas harsh with people as I am with films. Sometimes I do so superficially and distantly, which is unfair. So now I've resolved to give everyone at least ten seconds of personal interaction before I permanently label them.

The first instance is the infamous Amazon Skirt Girl, also known as Baby Gap and That Whore. After referring to her as such, I was accosted by a mutual friend of ours. I had considered the options of why she takes mens' neckties and wears them as skirts: she has an unusually long torso, she wants to feel beautiful, etc. There's also her QPA factor. It's a 4.0. Still, I reserve judgement until I actually have a conversation with her. So, though I may call her Amazon, I hold nothing against her.

In contrast, I met someone the other day in the Fine Arts building (a breeding ground for all sorts of fun). She was coming out of Acting and Directing talking to another friend of mine. Now, I could have condemned her for wearing a big sparkly blue shirt with sweatpants, socks with sandles, and extreme homechool hair. But no, I reserved judgement for when she planted a big wet kiss on Caitlin's cheek. Now she's been shunned, and I feel like a better-balanced human being. And the world can continue to go 'round.

September 22, 2004

Fabulous!

"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read."
- Hilliare Belloc

Time for change. Like the new look? Well, I don't care. Everything was personally manipulated with the old version, and it just got too hard to keep up with. This way, my every need is already catered to, and I can just deal with looking like everyone else. A golden straightjacket, if you will. If you really miss the old format there's nothing I can do for you, but you could use your imagination. As a matter of fact, if you squint at your screen, the pretty letters look like they’re dancing. Dance away, sweet alphabet! How your seductive gyrations beckon with the promise of linguistic fulfillment!

*Ahem*

Tuesdays and Wednesdays were designed to slowly kill my spirit. On those days I'm in class for a solid 7 or 9 hours. It's miserable. Today, in Shakespeare, we had to watch a 1960s production of The Taming of the Shrew with Liza Minelli and Michael York. I was astounded at how well these people made 2 hours seem much, much longer. I felt it did more against my health than a pack of cigaretts. Then, in Film History and Theory, we watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. It's a German silent film made in the 1920's about a guy who uses a sleep-walker to murder people. It was surprisingly interesting, but again, 2 hours of my life I can never get back.

Luckily Once Upon a Mattress practices were cancelled today, due to a guest artist event shutting down the fine arts building. I wish I could have gone. My friends say it was really good. But I was busy with Caligari at the time. I also had One Act practice in HAL, so it was fun screaming and knowing that I was really bothering people.

My nemesis has made herself more prevelent in my life as of late. I see her all the time now. Specifically she was at my first Collegian meeting. She had icecream, and she was eating it more irritatingly than anyone else could. It was like, "I have icecream and you don't, and it's so good." I sometimes wonder if her smile is detachable, and she takes it off when she sleeps.

I almost went to Smoke Night for the first time this evening. As one of the charter members, I feel bad for never going. But on my way there I realized that I had nothing to smoke, and would look like a tool if I just showed up and immediately start bumming. So I dropped by a poker game and came back to my room to hang posters. Now we're all sitting at computers and the walls are still bare.

Bare like my lovelife. OK, that was lame, but lately I've been thinking about the fact that I haven't dated anyone since I was almost raped freshman year. I'm alone and a dork. With that, I leave you feeling sorry for me. To any women who read this: feel free to throw yourselves at me... unless you're a creepy stalker, in which case you can admire from afar and write letters to yourselves.

September 20, 2004

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

"I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder."
- Craig Charles

Coffee. Its effects are not what you would expect. After sitting at Eat 'n Park till 2:00 in the morning drinking 13 cups of coffee, I came to my room and went right to sleep. But then I woke up at 6:00 this morning.

But it was all for the better. I was supposed to pay for parking registration by last Friday, so I used this opportunity to go down to the Bursar's office right when it opened and beg for mercy. It worked. I don't have to pay the late fee.

But now I'm sitting in my room, unable to turn the lights on due to slumbering roommates, with nothing to do until my 11:00 class. I could be catching up with classes in which I'm already behind or I could even go to the gym. Instead, I'm blogging.

I guess I failed to mention that I got an awesome part in Once Upon a Mattress. I'll be playing Sir Harry, who's sort of a secondary-romantic-lead. Basically I knocked this girl up, and we're trying to get married to cover it up. Getting in the way of our marriage is the queen's law that no one can marry until the prince does, and there's also the fact that I'm a pompous ass. I love it.

Today I'm submitting my first-ever Collegian article. I was asked to review Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I hope people like it. I said a few things that I hope will make people remember me. I'll post it later after the paper comes out. I don't want to spoil it for anyone (except for the 4 people to whom I either emailed it or read it aloud).

Brendan, my old roommate, is supposed to be visiting today. I'm pretty excited about that. He's bringing up some copies of the movie he's been making (not one for me, though). Regardless, I'll steal one from Dr. Brown and watch it. Brendan's also going to be playing Seymore in Little Shop of Horrors somewhere in Ohio, and I'm going to see that soon. A few other alumni have visited and slept on our couch, like Mike Filman and Dan Marsh. Dan's going to be leaving for France in a week, and we're all sad to see him go. He'll be back again tomorrow and we can all have our sloppy good-byes.

But I just realized that I have to read The Taming of the Shrew before Shakespeare at 2:00, so I'll cut this short before I begin to ramble. Just remember, kids. Don't mess with my Jesus!

September 14, 2004

One TWO three four...

"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something."
- George Burns


I just finished with Callbacks for Once Upon a Mattress. Then I took a shower. Now that I've committed to go to bed before midnight tonight, I will start a movie as soon as Charlie gets back.

Callbacks were interesting. They only lasted four hours (a true miracle), and everyone seemed to have a really good audition. That may sound good, but it really means that I did a good job, but dammit so did everyone else. I think I had a slight edge on singing, but on acting and dancing, everyone was pretty good. I was all excited about this year because token seniors had graduated, but there's a whole slew of talent that came with the freshman class. I'm hoping that seniority will play a small part (except for Jonny, who's a senior and whom I consider to be my biggest competition). Everything's up in the air right now, and Mrs. Craig will probably have "private callbacks" throughout tomorrow. So I guess I won't lose as much sleep tonight.

I took a shower in the basketball team showers this evening, not because the showers right across the hall were full, but because they are painfully cold. I took the eight-minute trek to the other side of Alumni, and had the best shower I've had in a month. I first turned on the water, and thought, "hey! this is warm!" and then I realized that I hadn't even turned the nozzle to its fullest. It was sheer bliss. I actually feel clean! I think I'll have to make that trip all the time now (as long as the basketball team isn't there. They're scary.)

And now I will watch Pi (I wish I could enter the symbol there) even though I have to get up early tomorrow and talk to Dr. Shaw about the two weeks of Biology I missed. I guess I forgot to mention that... Let that be another post. It's movie time.

September 13, 2004

Ah... Intermission

Waiting is torture. I loathe auditions.

Mrs. Craig neglected to tell us how we would find out about call backs. So now the lot of us sit in our rooms trying to distract ourselves, all the while seriously questioning how the last two nights have affected our lives.

I've been to at least 4 different places in the past half hour, and nothing has helped. At this point I think Mrs. Craig is just screwing with us. I mean, it's just the callback list!!! *gasp* or is it the cast list?! Is she deciding our fates tonight?! I never got the chance to tell her I was really trying out for Dauntless!! What if I just didn't even make callbacks and therefore didn't deserve an email?! Welcome to my head. Watch your step; it's a little crazy in here.

Now I'm just sitting and watching my audition become more and more horrific in my memory... You make me doubt myself, Craig! But what if I should doubt myself? What if I'm just crap? riding the coat tails of those who have now graduated?

I have her class tomorrow at 11:00. I predict that she will have big hair and will be wearing purple. Of course, that's only if she had a stressful night. I wonder if she'll take up homework...

As you might have guessed, I'm in contact with 6 theatre people right now, and everyone's asking the same damn questions. I'm going to addictinggames.com to distract myself.

Dance Party Remix

"It takes 42 muscels to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and say 'bite me' in a bitchy tone!"

It's that time of the year again when classes begin to get into full swing and most of my time is spent auditioning and preparing for auditions. I've had 3 so far. I have 1 or 2 more to go. So far they've been relatively successful.

To mix things up a bit I decided to go above and beyond simply filling out the audition sheet. I did this to be funny, and I sincerely hope Mrs. Craig know that. On my resume, I mentioned such illustrious awards as the envied "Doublemint Award," and did my Jon Passavant salute in my headshot (which I later realized I did incorectly):

Earlier in the week I auditioned and got a part in the TAP Fall '04 One Acts Festival. I'm very excited. JZ wrote it, and I think it has a lot of potential. Yesterday I went through the first step of Musical auditions: monologue. Personally, the monologue is my least favorite part of auditions. I really need direction, and "select a one-minute monologue" isn't nearly enough. Secondly, in a vain attempt to have my audition piece memorized I'm a nervous wreck, and I tend to slur my words.

I am still hopeful: my singing audition should kick ass, and I'm pretty confident in my place in the theatre foodchain. I'm seriously not being pompous. I don't think I'm that great, it's just that everyone graduated and I'm a last resort. Expect another post should I not make callbacks...

Looking through old picture files, I found hidden away a video clip. A very special one. During last year's musical, "Jane Eyre," we the ensemble were a very disgruntled bunch. To improve upon our situation we came up with Jane Eyre Dance Party Remix, where we gathered in the darkness of the Stage R trancept, distributed sugar cubes to everyone, enlisted the aid of the techies and their flashlights, and raved as I became a human beatbox for one of the songs. It is my goal that this becomes a tradition in every show we do from now on.

On a different note, living with JZ and Charlie
The loss of last year's sweet suite has been gently recieved this year due to the rapid developments of many new friends and roommates. Funny coincidence: Last year I lived next door to Dan Marsh and Garrett Nichols. This year, my neighbors are also named Dan and Garrett (also, it's the Garrett who is my twin). Anyway, I've been hanging out with a lot of people groups since my trusty trio is on to bigger and better things. Oddly enough I've bonded with Charlie. But this could be a bad thing since he's gotten me back to the point where 75% of my contribution to humanity is Family Guy quotes.

In retrospect, this is another disappointing post. But for those of you who would complain, at least you got one.

September 01, 2004

Did anyone else laugh in Simon Birch when the midget killed his best friend's mom with a baseball?

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
- Charles Schultz


I apologize. I know you were all waiting with bated breath, and because of me some of you passed out and hit your head on the corner of your coffee table from lack of oxygen. But I'm back and better than ever.

Living in the new house and quitting my job facilitated the most relaxing week of my life. I sat around eating (healthy snacks, of course), watching movies, trying to figure out satellite TV, and reading a little. I had a few people over, babysat my friend's 8-month-old, and bid a fond farewell to my two and a half friends. Come Saturday, I was more than ready to leave.

I have returned to school in lovely Pennsylvania, far far away from my internship in Kentucky. But just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, I found out my internship requirements are far from fulfilled. Aparently I have to write a 10-page paper on different communication theories that applied to what I did this summer. Since I haven't been in school, I've completely forgotten all the theories I've learned, but even if I knew them none would ever apply to the crap I put myself through with Sally. Let the bullshitting begin!

It's undeniably wonderful to be back at school. My roommates are great. My classes seem reasonable. But there is a feeling of emptiness without those who graduated last semester. I remember upper-classmen talking about old friends and I wonder if I'll be one of those who can only think about good times past.

Auditions for One Acts are fast approaching. I actually directed last year, but that turned out to be a disaster (not my actors, my relationship with the advisor) so I'm eager to act again. The fall musical was also announced: Once Upon a Mattress. I know nothing of this play, but I'm excited nonetheless. It's time to overwhelm myself with theatre again!!!

THINGS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BY NOW
1. When storing a refrigerator, be sure to let it defrost before shutting the door. If you simply store it as-is for three months, it will develop several substances that are very visible and pungent in the fowlest sense of the words.
2. If you have purchased a refrigerator that is larger than the measurements allotted in the dorm rules, it is a good idea to have someone help you. If someone can't carry his, you certainly can't carry yours.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, wash out a refrigerator with Walmart brand bathroom cleaner. The mildew will be gone and the fridge will smell like the cleanest of toilets, but so will your food.