Spring Awakening

Listen, can you hear it? Spring's sweet cantata. The strains of grass pushing through the snow. The song of buds swelling on the vine. The tender timpani of a baby robin's heart. Spring. ~Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Wake Up Call Spring means many things for many people. For some, it’s the season they’re inspired to venture outside into the slightly warmer climes. For some, it’s the season they feel compelled to gut out their homes and rearrange everything into clean, manageable tidiness. For some, it is a time of rebirth and new beginnings. For some, it’s the season that reminds us of ultimate loving sacrifice. For the rest, it means going to Mexico, getting wasted, and later being seen late at night on Comedy Central in advertisements for soft-core pornography. We’re coming up (or already have come up) on Spring Break. Too many of my friends are in education, either as teachers or as students. If I hear one more person casually mention their upcoming 10 or more days off, I’m going to pull my hair out. Actually, I noticed yesterday that I was brushing hairs off my desk because I had literally pulled them out absent-mindedly. The idea of going to work - every day - for the rest of time - is downright depressing. We get five holidays, two personal days, and three sick days. That’s it. And I used most of it with the flu last month. Stack that up against two weeks for Christmas, two weeks for Easter, two MONTHS for summer, random long weekends, and obscure holidays… I miss those times. I miss those times hard. It almost makes me want to teach. But I have to be reminded that I hate children. And that they’re only getting worse. I’ll just have to teach at a university. So I guess what I need is my doctorate. Somebody get me my doctorate! I would also settle for a huge pile of money (it does not need to be in the form of a huge pile. A ‘briefcase full of’ or a ‘check for a large sum of’ would also suffice). So if anyone has a doctorate with my name on it or an embarrassment of wealth that they’d like to share, you know where to find me.