July 21, 2004

I'm coming down!

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes."
- Oscar Wilde
From 'Lady Windemere's Fan' 1892


I just paid for liquid Tide with a hundred-dollar bill.  Apparently that's all my boss carries.  Lots of them.

I got back from King's Island at about 2:00 this morning.  I had a really good time.  I don't think I'll ever go on a weekend or with a church group ever again.  It was so great on a Tuesday, I couldn't believe it.  There were virtually no lines, the weather was nice, I didn't have to meet at the Eiffel Tower every 2 hours, and I didn't have to leave at 7:00.  We just messed around all day, riding all the rides we wanted to, many times more than once.  For instance: Dilerium, possibly the most relaxing ride ever.  Yes, it goes hundreds of feet into the air and swings you at 76 mph, but it's so smooth, I could have stayed on it and taken a nap. 

I was very relieved when I saw a large group of people wearing T-shirts with a big cross and S.W.A.T. on the back and knowing that for once I wasn't one of them.  I couldn't read what the acronym meant, but I'm convinced it's "Spiritualizing Whatever Attracts Teenagers," as I thought about those churches who base all their sermons on Creed songs.

At 8:00, they had a star-search competition.  And no, I didn't enter.  But we did watch and make fun of the children.  I think reality TV has convinced everyone that they have something to contribute to the entertainment industry.  There's no other explanation for all these people who sign up to make fools of themselves.  They don't even have to think they're good anymore!  Damn you, William Hung!  (The same goes for Hillary Duff)  I stayed to watch the end to see if there was an interesting prize, then I would do it myself and break the kid's hearts.  But alas, the grand prize is the title of being "King's Island Star," a prestigous title held by only three people a day.
 
For dinner, we had Chinese food.  And, of course, it was all Chinese people working there.  I never really got the point of that, because it's really obvious that food court buffet is nothing like real Chinese food.  Apparently all the Chinese employees in King's Island were working at this restaurant, and that was the only qualification.  The guy working the cash register was a total moron.  I handed him a 20 for a bill of $6.59.  He gave me $1.31.  I didn't leave, and he figured out that I was waiting for more money.  So he gave me a 10.  To let the people behind me through, I sat down.  Then I had to go back and ask for the $2.10 he owed me.  He had to pull out the calculator.  He still owes me 10 cents.

I got to ride The Beast at night.  I hadn't done that in a very long time.  It's a whole lot of fun.  There are times you can't see a thing.  Sadly, though, there are more bugs at night, and I was choking and gagging by the time we stopped.  Whatever, it was fun.  Then some fireworks to end the night.

July 19, 2004

Weekends! I live for the weekends!

"Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability."
- George Bernard Shaw

I told my dentist about my TMJ.  He told me he wouldn't do anything about it because he couldn't bear to put me through it: "The cure is most definetely worse than the disease."  So he sent me to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy a mouth guard.  I was reminded how out of place I am in a sporting goods store.  In order to procure a mouth guard, you have to go into the middle of the all-american sports gear section.  As I stood awkwardly between jock straps and Tanactin, deciding among MAX, MEGA, or ULTRA, I saw an aquaintance from highschool who is apparently still a jock.  For a moment he looked like a deer in headlights.  I think he was afraid that the store would collapse on the both of us if either of us stayed any longer, so he left.  I think he slept with my girlfriend or something...  ah, highschool.

So after my $2.00 investment, I now have a pacifier for when I go to bed.  I found it has many practical uses.  When preparing it (sitting it in boiling water), it can be used as an obscure torture devise.  Never trust a product when the package says "immerse in boiling water for 14 seconds, then place in your mouth, biting firmly, and push the sides to your gums with your fingers."  I think part of my gums is still in the bite guard.  The second use is the inspiration it provides me in up with an Oscar-winning monologue for the summer blockbuster Rocky XI - the Musical.  It also prevents me from breathing at night.  But for the first 15 minutes of every morning since, no TMJ.

Saturday was well spent, weed-eating at the new house and hopelessly peering in the windows at the lack of finish.  Then that evening, our family met to celebrate my cousin's 30th birthday.  It was the first time I'd seen my family since Brooke's wedding.  It was kind of nice.  It was weird to see Brooke and Adam as a married couple.  I think they've locked themselves in the bedroom for the last month and a half.  My theory was proven correct when they both had to leave early.  My little cousin, Lauren, brought her GameBoy Advanced and was playing some Disney princess game.  I jokingly made the comment that "back in my day, those things were in black and white."  Then I realized it was true, and I felt old.  Curse you, I love the '90s!

Now I'm back at work.  I'm hoping to get tomorrow off and go to King's Island.  Tuesday is the only day with nice weather predicted this week.  If it's not OK with my boss, I think I'll go anyway, because I'm a crazy rebel.  I'm the only person who comes in every day, and everybody else has already taken their 2-week vacations.