On Being "That Guy"

Don’t be that guy ~any good friend who notices you’re being a big douche You know the times you’ve caught yourself being “that guy.” When you don’t see someone in your blindspot and cut them off in traffic. When you find yourself stuck directly in front of the doors as people are trying to get on/off the subway. When you realize you don’t have any cash on you and give the girl at the register a credit card to pay for one item off the value menu. When you let slip a huge secret in a crowded room. You’ve been “that guy” (or girl) on occasion, but 9 times out of 10, it was purely by accident. However, there are some guys who live perpetually as “that guy.” You can usually point them out by characteristic features like the popped collar, the layered popped collar, the sideways fitted cap, the rehearsed casual smirk, and a signature walk that defies definition. There are times, though, when you have to be “that guy.” Yesterday was one of those times. Let me first say that I spend a good portion of my day on the phone with medical assistance bureaus, on hold, being transferred, explaining myself 30 times, etc. So I’m pretty patient when it comes to those kind of calls on my personal time. Time Warner, the beneficent monopolizer of North East Ohio and many other areas, jacked up my internet bill more than double this month. I called to ask them if there were any promotions I could jump on, otherwise I would cancel service. After calling, being placed on hold, being disconnected 4 times, and spending about half an hour getting nowhere near the issue, I realized I had to pull out “that guy.” “Listen. I realize you may be having issues with your phone system, but I called to solve my problem, not to put up with yours. I’ve got things to do today, so long story short: I’m not paying this bill. You have my number and mailing address. Cancel my service. Now. And contact me later with an offer that doesn’t suck.” “Oh, we do have a service for $[amount even cheaper than I had been paying]. I’m not sure why I didn’t see it before...” So though there are many downsides to being “that guy,” particularly the feeling of douchiness that follows, “that guy” has a tendency to get his way. And in the end, that’s all that really matters. Sorry, that was “that guy” talking…