Cop-Out

Did I ever mention I hate these? 1.Your name spelled backwards? III Niplig Egdamlat Leuname, but my friends call me Yert 2. Last incoming call on your phone? Drunk Mac 3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? My resume. From my other computer. I’m a hacker. Fear for your lives. 4. What's your favorite restaurant? Ollie’s 5. Last time you swam in a pool? It’s been so long I don’t even remember. Really. 6. Britney Spears is a skank. Agree or disagree? Agree. 7. How many kids do you want? None. In fact I kill children for sport. 8. Type of music you dislike most? My roommate’s. Imagine living beside the AO Dirty D every night, but with mariachi crap and they’re all singing along. Badly. That’s my weekends, people. 9. What was the last thing you bought? Donuts, chicken tenders, and discount potato chips. 10. Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? Yep. When I was little, with my uncle. And yes, he’s my real uncle. He wasn’t just some guy who lured me with promises of motorcycle rides. 11. Does someone have a crush on you? Yes. I don’t know who, but it’s gotta be true. Just look at me! 12. Ever made a prank phone call? If by “prank” you mean “drunk,” yes. 13. Listening to music? No. I’m at work. But I was listening to the Strokes on the commute. 14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I’ve already been bungee jumping. I hope to sky dive soon. So, I guess the short answer would be “yes” 15. What clothes are you wearing right now? Dirty jeans and a wrinkled brown/orange/blue-striped button-down. Laundry needs to be done desperately. 16. Do you have a garden? Yes. In my huge roof-access multi-million-dollar condo in the upper west side. 17. What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes. 18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yep. I’ve sung it for many a sporting event. And a couple of auditions. 19. Bath or Shower in the morning or night? a. I used to take baths, but since college I thought them dirty. I used to sleep in the bathtub every morning. Showering’s much faster. b. Either. I like the night idea because I can sleep in longer. But I shower in the morning more often. Why is that? 20. Hello or goodbye? Goodbye. It sounds morbid, but I’m terrified meeting people. 21. Favorite pizza topping Pineapple. Thank you, band camp. 22. Chips or Popcorn? Chips. 23. Favorite color? Um. Green? 24. What did your last text message you received say? Probably something like “where are you?” 25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Talent shows are basically the same thing. Except for the swimsuit section. So yes. Yes I have. 26. Orange Juice or apple juice? Orange. Extra pulp. 27. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? The Simpsons 28. What did the last text message that u sent say? ”I’m watching Lestat. There are vampires flying around everywhere. RLY!” 29. Lucky number? 3 or 5. But not 35 or 53. I also respect 7, because 6 is afraid of 7, and 6 is bigger than both 3 and 5 (twice as big as 3!) 9 is an unfortunate number to have as lucky, because 7 ate him, apparently (3 squared! Holy crap!). That’s how he earned the fear of 6. Actually I don’t believe in luck. 30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? I despise tomatoes with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns. Unless they’re sun-dried or in a delicious marinara. 31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. The last one was for artistic excellence in high school. It’s a cup. But not a portkey. Whew. 32. Are you a good cook? Typically when I try to make things they turn out well. Yes? 33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? I’m forgetting. Thank God for public transportation. We just need to work out the glitches: children and homeless people. 34. Do the Chinese really use cats in their food? Yes. What? 35. Sprite or 7-Up? Neither. Even though I respect 7-Up for having the number 7 in it. Ale8 is my favorite. It constantly one-ups 7-Up. 36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? My senior year in high school. I led a quiet rebellion via nametags. 37. Last thing you ate? Those donuts I bought, specifically the cinnamon powdered ones. 38. Ever thrown up in public? Yes. I had a really bad migraine while driving home once and had to pull over in a gas station parking lot. I’m sure it made everyone feel safe that I was leaning out of my car vomiting only to drive away a moment later. 39. Would you rather find true love or be a millionaire? Millionaire. I’ve gone without either for quite some time, and I find myself poorer than I am lonely. Though I’m a substantial amount of both. To quote Brecht, “you need comfort for a happy life.” 40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Sure. Why not? 41. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Is this question exclusive? Because if you wear contacts, you probably wear glasses as well. Either way, yes. 42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My aunt. She died shortly thereafter. Thanks for the survey, ass. 43. Where were you for Valentine's day? New York City. If I were visiting, it would have been exciting. 44. Last time you laughed? At lunch we all had a very middle-school moment as we tried to work “Your mom” into several phrases around the break room. 45. What's your favorite animal? Tamagotchi Giga Pet, the dinosaur. When they (along with Furby) take over the world, they will hold me in high favor. 46. What was the name of your first pet? Katie. I still have her. (Well, my parents do). She’s a brittany spaniel and 15 years old, hobbling around my house with little doggy boots. Single tear for missing Katie. 47.Who is the second to last person to call you? Bumblebear. He called me a-stumbling. Wow, that was a while ago. Nobody calls me anymore. 48. Is there anything going on this weekend? There’s a poetry reading in Riverside Park on Saturday I might go to. But tonight I’m going to see a show, and it feels like Friday. I’ll say that’s what I’m doing this weekend. 49. How are you feeling right now? Tired. Confused. Bored. Lost on one of life’s many winding paths. Perhaps the wrong one. Nervous about 4 jobs and an apartment. 50. Who or what do you think about the most? What wouldn’t I do for a Klondike Bar? Actually, I think about my own funeral. I should post about it sometime… 51. Who filled this survey out before you? Laura, Jen, Jess, Rainey, etc.