December 03, 2004

Insomnia is Nobody's Friend

I was at a medical examiner's office doing research for a magazine article I was working on, and they let me put on scrubs and watch an autopsy. What struck me was the music. The only fights the medical examiners ever have is over the radio -- it's just this little clock radio that's covered with blood. A 72-year-old man came in, and he was autopsied during a heavy metal mini-set, which included songs by Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin and Suzi Quatro. And then another doctor came in and changed the radio station. His case was a 22-year-old kid who had heavy metal tattooed all over what was left of his face. And he was autopsied to Kenny G and Toni Braxton. It just didn't seem fair.

- David Sedaris

What can I say? It’s 6:00am, and I’ve yet to fall asleep. God knows when this post will be done and I can finally drift off, only to wake up a few short hours later for class. But it’s almost Saturday, so all is well. That doesn’t necessarily mean that all will be well as far as coherence or grammar is concerned.

Actually I have slept some tonight. I had a horrible migraine that put me out of commission from 8-12. I went to Perkins with JZ’s family and I must have eaten something that’s a trigger I haven’t discovered yet. I remember when I found out grape juice was one of my triggers. I had eight glasses one night at band camp because we were doing some sort of Jewish communion thing. When everyone went to have a late-night march-off, I was in the expansion area sleeping on everyone’s luggage with my soon-to-be girlfriend massaging my head. Perhaps tonight wasn’t due to a trigger at all, but the fact that I didn’t get to eat at all until 7:00. I went to chapel instead of breakfast. I have class through lunch. And I had a tour through dinner. Then I had to sit at Perkins for three hours waiting to get a damn sandwich. It doesn’t matter. The torment has passed.

Dessert Theatre is tomorrow night (make that tonight, technically). I’m singing “I’ve Got a Crush on You” with Diana. The irony of that title rests fully on her shoulders because she picked it. Is it supposed to mean something? *exasperated sigh* I don’t really know or care at this point. We were supposed to practice tonight, but I made a phonecall through my painful purple haze and cancelled. I think we’re going to skip a class together and practice then.

I’ve been playing around with my calendar on Outlook, and I was informed that I’m 1082 weeks too late to witness my own birth. Kinda gives my November respite from blogging some perspective. That and the fast approaching end of the semester. In a few weeks I’ll be well more than half way through my college career. Friends and roommates are already planning for graduation, employment, even marriage. Every time I bring up the fact that I’m a junior, everyone gives the same compulsory comment about how alone I’ll be soon. I don’t like to think about it, and furthermore I don’t like to diminish the importance of all the friends that will still be here.

I went home for Thanksgiving. My entire extended family seemed to be there the whole time, but I managed to retreat into my room once in a while. It was nice. But it’s not home anymore. I mean, the house itself never was, but even family and friends (what’s left of them) seem foreign to me. I spent all the time I could renting and watching Blockbuster movies. It’s an easy excuse to sit and not do anything for long periods of time and it helps me avoid people. I tried to do a little reading, but as usual I managed to read less than I’ll probably write in this post.

Movies I saw over break:

The Newsies J

The Godfather J

Saved! J

The Grudge LLLLLL

Supersize Me J

The Dreamers L

The Butterfly Effect L

Toy Story J

Shrek 2 J

Star Trek: First Contact J

Star Trek: Insurrection L

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban J

Elf J

Then I watched a whole bunch of TV

I’ve looked at my life from a couple paces back and found it somewhat lacking. I need to take some initiative. I need to set goals. I need to watch all the movies I haven’t seen on the AFI top 100 list. I need to do some hardcore Christmas shopping. I need to start going to the gym again. I need to read the books I bought this summer. I need to become more politically and globally aware. I need to do my homework and get through school. I need to find someone to love, if only for a while. I need to tell Nemo how old sea turtles are. Tasks large and small, I seem to be avoiding all the undertakings of life. I don’t even know if I’m living in the strictest sense of the word. Hm, deep thoughts.

I have successfully finished distracting myself. I was trying to figure out if I could get a book from here with free shipping before I left for break. It was fruitless because I refused to give a credit card number. It’s not that I’m afraid of the internet and my personal information, it’s that I’m practically naked and don’t feel like going through a pile of clothes to find my wallet until morning. (real morning, not this 6:45 crap) Nonetheless I found myself reading excerpts from David Sedaris works, which is delightful. If I wasn’t so exhausted, I’d be laughing out loud. As it is, I express my emotions through prose. That way more people get to share in my joy and I don’t have to work those pesky muscles.

And then it was 7:00, so he quit writing.

Comments on "Insomnia is Nobody's Friend"


Blogger Yax said ... (4:55 PM) : 

As someone who has suffered from insomnia for more years than I care to think about, allow me to express my condolences. I also feel like I ought to send you an exceptionally belated first birthday card.


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