Mead Dreams

In the spirit of acclaimed dream journalist Steve Livengood: I know I’d been dreaming before this but the first thing I remember was being in this large house that was still under construction. Many of my friends were there, but they were all nondescript. Someone was eating pasta out what looked like an orange juice carton, but for pasta. He was apparently displeased and made Beth Leatherman call customer service to complain. At first she seemed to be joking but then became genuinely upset over this boxed pasta. Afraid of a woman scorned, I left. I was driving down a country road in my dad’s truck. I was being generally negative about everything (inspired by Beth, I suppose). I came upon a possum and tried to hit it because I was accusing it of being a bad actor (I guess I’d seen it “playing possum” and had been unimpressed). At this point I realized I was being ridiculous. Then at the side of the road, hiding by a tree, I saw a very Goth chick from the ren fair, muttering angrily to herself. Then she threw a large throwing star at my truck and it barely missed. I wasn’t angry because it turns out she was throwing them at bats. Now I was at the house I grew up in. I was happy the ren chick was taking care of the bat problem, but I was still nervous. Then my dog came out and started chasing bats. She actually caught one and I was very proud. Then she caught a mogwai. Yes, from Gremlins. I could instantly tell that it wasn’t Gizmo and would turn that night because of my convenient unnoticing, so I let her chew on it. Then my little brother started to cry (I don’t have a little brother, for the record) so I made Katie put it down. I had my digital camera and was video taping the scene for nothing more than benign interest. We then went inside and I said hi to my dad. Then I heard something crash, and I knew that it was my iPod. I tried to tell dad they took it, but for some reason he couldn’t understand. At this point I knew that the little bastards were conspiring like some bad kids’ movie from the early nineties; I was the mean older brother and they were the comical child/creature team. Then somehow I was being held prisoner in my house by Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. I think I woke up because it was just too random.